For you, Lord.

Final verse of the original 3.

Background: The Lord is speaking to Hosea, and although this passage is specifically about the Lord's relationship with His believers, it can also be applied to the way a man loves/treats his wife, which is how I'm going to discuss it.

"I will betroth you to Me forever;
Yes, I will betroth you to Me in
righteousness and in justice,
In lovingkindness and in compassion,
And I will betroth you to Me in
faithfulness.
Then you will know the Lord." Hosea 2:19-20

The Lord pinpoints 5 traits of a healthy relationship between a man and his wife. The man will act 1) righteously and 2) fairly (i.e. justice). He will treat her with 3) lovingkindness and 4) compassion, and will at all times remain 5) faithful.

Righteousness and fairness exist within a marriage in many forms and often come hand in hand, which is why I believe they have their own line in the verse. The man's decisions shall be righteous and fair in relation to his wife. In other words, the man is called to make decisions based upon the needs of his wife. I know everyone gets in an uproar about how the Bible says a woman is meant to submit to her husband; however, in a true Christian relationship the man submits to his wife by placing her needs above his own and then his wife submits to him by ultimately accepting (after they've talked) his decision, with the understanding that he has made the decision with her needs above his. I cannot speak for all women, but I do believe that most women would be more than willing to submit to a man who placed her needs above his own. It's truly ironic that most people feel a marriage based on Biblical principles takes "power" away from the woman: in fact, a marriage based on Biblical principles places the woman as the one to be worshipped, treasured, and cherished by her husband. Although a man "holds" the decision-making authority, love for his wife ultimately determines his decisions.

Lovingkindness and compassion have their own line because they coincide with one another as well. Not only should the man's decisions be grounded in righteousness and fairness, they should also portray his extreme compassion and love for his wife. Additionally, as in any relationship there will be times of tremendous stress, strain, and frustration between the two partners, usually resulting from a breakdown in communication. During these times the man is called to continually treat his wife with love and compassion and remain slow to get angry. And, last but not least, the man should always, always be compassionate to his wife's sensitivities, insecurities, dreams, etc.

The last point, faithfulness, means more than men may be willing to accept sometimes. A man is not only to remain faithful to his wife physically, but also mentally. What does this mean? It means a man should not gaze lustfully/wishfully at another woman, claiming, "It's okay because I'm not going to do anything." A man should not look at pornography (neither should women, btw). A great example of this type of faithfulness was exhibited by Joshua Harris. He was a member at a gym where women often dressed in inappropriate work-out clothing, found himself having a difficult time remaining mentally faithful to his wife, and therefore quit the gym and bought a home gym. An additional point to remaining physically and mentally faithful to your wife is that a man should not open his heart to a woman (unrelated) in a similar way that he has opened it to his wife. There are two types of affairs: physical and emotional and they are equally deadly to a marriage.

I feel called to discuss two phrases within the verses that some may overlook, and then I will wrap up.

The first phrase is the very first line, "I will betroth you to me forever." Forever. F O R E V E R. Not for only 10 years. Not for only awhile until I meet someone more attractive, someone with more money, someone who I don't argue with as much, someone whose parents are less intrusive, etc. Forever. I am at a loss as to how to explain this in any way that you haven't heard before that may actual click and make a difference. Basically...if both partners follow what they believe to be the Lord's will (including the decision to marry each other), then nothing can happen that's too difficult, too stressful, too trying, too outlandish, etc., that the two of you cannot overcome together with His assistance.

The second phrase is the very last line, "Then you will know the Lord." This is important for both men and women, but particularly for the men. As men we are called to model Christ-like love for our wives. Our relationship with them...everything about it...should be an example of the love Jesus exhibited. Our wives should grow stronger in their relationship with the Lord as a result of their interactions and relationship with us. You, as her husband, take upon yourself the responsibility of leading your wife into a deeper and more meaningful relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ than she was even on the day you wed.

Amen and Hallelujah! I look forward to it someday. :o)

I just finished reading this post and realized it's all over the place. It does at least have two general ideas. The first is that I am struggling hardcore with a couple things right now and I explain what they are and why. The second part derives from me encouraging you, the reader, to get your emotions out. Although both parts go hand in hand (me explaining what I'm emotionally struggling with and then how to get those emotions out), this post isn't exactly of Pulitzer quality. I hope it speaks to you on some level.

"3...

2...

1..."

I am overcome with grief. Although I have forgiven my former employers, the bitterness and anxiety I felt toward them occasionally creeps back into my heart. It's almost impossible to think about anything else when that happens. That's called obsession, ladies and gentlemen, and I am sooooooooo tired of it.

I am also lonely. When my last relationship ended, my closest friends (all from high school) that I had done such a great job keeping in touch with dwindled from 3 to 1. My friends from college are either still in Athens or have moved elsewhere. I have made a few friends at my church, but they are older and either married or have a demanding job. I will be leaving for Pennsylvania in a couple weeks where I will be meeting close to 100 people my age, but I imagine until then I will continue to feel a bit lonely.

My past relationship...well, the breakup has been particularly difficult because she is/was my best friend and my first true love. Never had I felt more alive than when her and I were together, happy. She did more to enrich my life and positively influence my growth toward becoming the man I am than anyone else. If it weren't for her I would not have the Lord...and right now I feel like He's all I have.

I want her back. Well, let me rephrase that...the woman I want back is the woman I am confident she is becoming. The woman I know she can be. Just as the man she may want back is still growing, learning, and experiencing. Or maybe she doesn't...that won't change the way I feel though.

But because of her I know what true love is. I can take every single verb from 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 and give you an example of how at one time or another I failed to demonstrate it and then throughout the course of our relationship learned how to because of her. I grieve because I know she grieved for a long period of time. I do not know the Lord's plans for our futures, but I do pray to one day be able to show her the love she deserves to be shown...the love she taught me. If she is not meant to be my wife, then whoever is my chosen One owes her a tremendous "Thank You" card on our wedding day. Readers...she's a very special woman. A woman you would be privileged to know and be influenced by.

Those are the two major issues tugging at my heart still to this day. Both occured about a month ago within the same week. They say that to really get over a relationship you have to give yourself an equal amount of time out of the relationship as you were in it. In other words, because her and I were together for a little over a year, I need to give myself a little over a year before I'll truly be able to move on and love another. The fact that her and I were good friends for 5 years prior to our relationship...that I actually had a major crush on her for 4 of those years...well, that may complicate the time-table a little bit.

Nevertheless, she did leave me with the greatest gift anyone can ever ask for...the Lord, and to Him I am clinging daily. Like I said in a previous post...He knows how to get your attention when He really wants it, so I'm doing my best to give it to Him. If you're going through a similar struggle, or a struggle that you feel is tugging at your heart in a similarly emotional way to mine...I encourage you to open your Bible and find strength in Him.

Read the words of Jesus (probably highlighted in red).
Read the Psalms...Psalm 13 is a good start.
Read Deuteronomy 30, especially verse 4 (I have it quoted at the top of the page if you don't want to open a Bible).
Read through the book of Hosea.
Read through Joshua 1 where the Lord makes it exceptionally clear that He will not leave your side nor forsake you.

And if you refuse to open the Bible...absolutely refuse...then sit down and write your emotions out in their most bare form. If you feel someone is a son of a bitch...write it in LARGE capital letters. Get it out. I repeat, GET IT OUT. Don't hold it in. Society preaches that our attitudes and behaviors remain within the status quo...the "acceptable norm". Unfortunately, because of that we've actually gotten AWAY from what we, as human beings, require to unload our emotions. We need to cry, need to throw things, need to punch things, need to scream, need to physically exhaust ourselves, etc. But we also need to do these things in a safe way. Do not hit a person OR yourself...hit a pillow. Hit a punching bag. Do not throw something at a person...throw it at a brick wall, or out into an open field, etc. The point? It's possible to get your deepest, darkest emotions out in their most primal form and yet still remain 100% safe.

I'll give you a quick example and then end this post.

Last summer I was emotionally miserable. Completely unstable, semi-neurotic, exceptionally stubborn, etc. But I wouldn't cry about it. I deadened myself to it. One night in late August everything hit the fan. I was as close to insane as is possible, my head was pounding out of anger and frustration, and my pulse was racing. All I needed to do was let out my emotion...the tears that I had kept inside for so many months (years, really)...and everything would have been okay. But I wouldn't cry. Instead, I began cussing out a close friend. She returned my not-so-loving remarks. I couldn't take it anymore so I slammed my fist into the rear windshield of my car. The whole thing shattered. Busted into a thousand pieces. And so did I. I couldn't physically hold myself up anymore. That one slam with my fist got all the hatred, anxiety, frustration, and anger out of my system and allowed me to get in touch with what was really causing the pain. I fell to the ground and the tears poured for 15-20min. I'm talking about uncontrollable crying. I hadn't cried like that my whole life.

I don't recommend breaking your cars windows or anything...that one fist-slam cost me $380...but the point is that I literally HAD to get past the anger/frustration before I could get in touch with the pain. For me, in that situation, it took something as extreme as hitting my car windshield to get the anger out. For you, in your situation, it may just mean screaming into your pillow one or two times. It may mean twisting a towel for 5min.

Whatever it may be, remember the point: 1) get your emotions OUT and 2) do so in a SAFE manner.

God bless.

This is the second of three verses that have struck me in the past few months. The first is in the post directly below.

Background: A tremendous amount of attention has been paid to Proverbs 31:10-31. It has been labeled the "Description of a Worthy Woman" (i.e. if you want to be a woman after God's heart, these are your directions). I personally know a few women who strive to be identical to the "woman in Proverbs 31". They are envious of her, even. So I decided to read the whole chapter and I was surprised to see that verses 8-9 pertain to a description of how to be a "king"; or, in other words, a few sentences on how a Godly man can serve the Lord. Here you will see...

"Open your mouth for the mute,
For the rights of all the unfortunate.
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
And defend the rights of the afflicted and needy." Proverbs 31:8-9

Funny thing, though. Not everybody has the same opinion on who is "mute, unfortunate, afflicted and needy". Additionally, not everybody has the same opinion on what is "right", what "judging righteously" and "defending the rights of..." looks like. And I wish I could say the answers are found by seeking the will of the Lord (they are, btw), but because not everybody understands His will in the same way problems arise.

An example: I'd love to be able to say my first attempt at "defending the rights of the afflicted and needy" and "opening my mouth for the mute" was a success story. Actually, it ended up getting quite a few people angry at me. Although I followed what I felt to be the Lord's will, the people who I spoke up for didn't feel they needed someone to speak up for them (pride). The people who I spoke to regarding the injustice didn't feel I was of concern anymore; or, in other words, they just didn't want to listen (pride).

Men, when defending others, speaking up for the mute, and judging righteously, you may act 100% according to the will of the Lord, but because you're dealing with human beings, who are by nature sinful, your perception after you conclude your defense of righteousness may be that you failed. And contrary to what western society will tell you, that's okay. What's ultimately important is that you are confident you acted within the will of the Lord. You have no control over how others respond to you. Act in a way that's in line with the will of the Lord and then let go. Let Him take over from there. He used you as His vessel to bring the injustice to someone's attention, and now it's your job to let go of the situation and completely hand it over to Him. All you can do from hereon is wait on Him to command you to back into battle. Otherwise your mission is accomplished.

These two verses can apply to much more than what I have thus far written. On a global scale they can apply to speaking up about world hunger, AIDS, tyrannical dictators, etc. On a national scale they can apply to speaking up on abortion, the economy, gay marriage, etc. On a personal scale they can apply to standing up to the school bully, standing up for a friend who is being treated poorly, or sharing your opinions with others when you know they are conflictual.

In conclusion, these two verses deal with a state of mind more than a type of behavior. The state of mind ultimately leads to the behavior, but essentially the Lord is commanding His warriors to be courageous, seek that which is righteous in all things, and show love for others in an assertive manner when He deems necessary.

Gentlemen, "may the schwartz be with you." (Spaceballs...come on now!)

First I'd like to say thank you for the positive feedback I received from my last post. A number of friends made wonderful comments about the post and I am appreciative of their support.

Lately I've been reading through the gospels and making note of the way Jesus loved. He is society's one example of perfect love and the gospels are our main/primary source of information about his behavior, actions, and words. After reading through 15-20 verses in a gospel I will flip around the Bible aimlessly in search of emotional gold. Emotional gold = the peace one feels as he or she grows closer to Christ. We grow closer to Christ in the same manner by which we grow closer to our friends: spending time with them. The more time you spend with Christ the more you are able to understand Him, relate to Him, and ultimatelly emulate Him.

Three verses have caught my attention the past few weeks and I will share the 2nd and 3rd with you in the following posts. The first, however, is pertinent to all of us and so I'll share it here.

Background: Jesus is sitting around the table with his disciples at the Last Supper. He has been speaking for quite awhile, but this is the very last thing He says directly to the disciples.

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Read it again.

Read it one more time.

Let me paraphrase..."I'm telling you this stuff so you'll believe in me and thus feel peaceful no matter what happens to you. I love you and I know the physical world is a tough place, but don't be afraid of it because I have been through what you're going through and conquered it."

He has overcome the world.

Now for the cool part. He's on your side. He's in your corner. He's got your back.

Jesus threw the greatest sucker punch ever. Satan had him. Had him bleeding, nailed to planks of wood, gasping for air, enduring incredible pain and torture alongside two purposeful sinners. Satan beamed with bitter joy as Jesus screamed out, "My Lord, My Lord, why have you forsaken me?" At that point Jesus died, was buried in a cave behind a tremendous rock, and that was the end. Satan was triumphant.

Um, yeah right! Sorry Satan, this ain't your playground anymore. Jesus rose from the dead 3 days later, delivering the greatest sucker punch in the history of mankind. Satan was thrown flat on his back in Hell. Jesus stood over Satan and placed His foot on Satan's chest pinning him to the floor; a towering figure of power, righteousness, and justice and said, "Satan, no longer will you triumph over the world. In the end all those who believe in Me will stand over you as I do now. Never will you have one of mine when they ask for me. My love surpasses your hatred. Till the end."

Throw Satan on his back. Make him beg for mercy. You have that power and ability in Jesus because He's already done it. How can you throw him on his back? The simple answer is to believe in Jesus Christ. The more complex answer is to forgive those needing to be forgiven (even if they don't think they need it), serve others, love your neighbors (including your enemies), seek the Lord's counsel at all times, eliminate greed (even when you're poor), pride (even when you're right), envy (even when you deserve it), lust (even when you're in a relationship), worrying (even when it's a legitimate worry), etc. (even when...), etc. (even when...).

Or, like I said, you could just believe in Jesus Christ. Spend some time with him like you do your friends. Tell Him your struggles, your worries, your desires. Ask Him for advice, counsel, and support. Ask Him to hold your hand when you're going through a tough time. Ask Him to wrap His arms around you when you're lonely or depressed. Ask Him to sing you a lullabye when you can't fall asleep. You'll eventually begin to see that the One who overcame the world is overcome with love for you. Amen.