For you, Lord.

Hola from the Dominican Republic!

So I just had my internet log-in and password created today, so I will be able to access email, AIM, and this blog on a regular basis. Hmm, so you're probably wondering how it is. I'll write about the area in thise post and the following posts will be a little description of the program.

Escuela Caribe is definitely set in the mountains. Surprisingly, the Dominican Republic is extremely hilly/mountainous. We're nestled at the base of an 800-1000ft. mountain that rises directly above us. It's very majestic, especially at 5:45am (rise and shine!) as the sun is beginning to poke it's head out on the horizon and the clouds are covering the tips of the mountains above. My best visual example would be to watch the end of "Last of the Mohicans" and take notice of the mountain range panoramas. Although we're nestled at the foot of a mountain, we're about 300ft or so above the town of Jarabacoa, which is located in the valley. Just as I was walking down the mountain toward the campus area I could see the lights of the town and hear merengue music being played. Combine that with a full moon, clear sky, plenty of stars, palm trees, and a comfortable breeze and you have one extraordinary evening.

Anyways...some details...yes, everyone here speaks spanish. Nobody in town knows english. I have not yet seen any spiders of a significant size, although I have heard horror stories from the students. The bugs are not as bad as I had expected. I've definitely been biten my fair share of times by mosquito's and some other bug that must perch itself on my legs and suck on my blood for awhile (it leaves a little blood mark, but doesn't itch...it's bizarre)...but it's not very frequent and as long as you wear pants there really isn't a problem.

I cut myself with a machette...yes a machette...my second day here as I was cutting the grass with some of the students. Yes...we cut the grass with machettes, not a lawn mower. Anyways I accidentally swiped too close to my leg and OOPS...but it's not that bad and I've bandaged it with duct tape and a sterile pad so I think I'll live.

The reason I want to wait to talk more about the program is because I am still becoming adjusted to it and gaining a better perspective on it. Honestly, my initial impression was rather poor because it is unlike anything I have ever been a part of before. However, I prayed for peace and reassurance from the Lord and He has graciously provided it for me thus far through my interactions with the students and staff members the past two days.

I heard there's a hurricane in the Caribbean right now. It's nearby, but not close enough to impact us. The weather is beautiful thus far. I couldn't have asked for better weather my first few days. Regardless, I will write more later. I am going to shower, fix up my cut once again, and head to sleep. Good night, everyone, and God Bless.

The past few days I've been feeling the Devil tugging at my heart, screaming to me from my memory, "Remember what you did a year ago? Remember how you felt and how you made others feel? Look at where you are today and what's happened as a result...".

I also feel the Devil trying to convince me that I haven't changed that much in the past year, that nobody believes I've changed, and that I'm not worth anything more than I was a year ago. He's telling me I can make the situation better by A) defending who I was then by B) proclaiming who I am today. Both A and B are lies.

I am unmistakingly deeply sorry for what began one year ago and then transpired over the next 6 months. Deeply sorry. There is a defense for my behavior, but it is meaningless.

I believe Truth to be that refusing to defend myself shows how much I've grown. However, I won't defend myself not because remembering it tempts the Devil's laughter (it does)...not because reminding myself daily that I lost the most important person in my life tears at my heart (it does)...and not because I am not worth it (I am). I am not going to defend myself because today I do not seek anyone's approval but the Lord's. That understanding is my growth.

And although I still occasionally falter...and will continue to do so for the rest of my God-given life because I am human...I don't need other people to feel like I'm worth something. I don't need your approval or forgiveness to be happy with myself. I don't need your attention, or your recognition, or your sympathies. I know what I need, and I won't get it from you.

I'm not trying to say I don't need friends, loved-ones, or affection. Everyone does, especially me. But I now trust in my Lord to provide that without me having to seek it out. As long as I continue to seek Him, He will provide my friends, my partner (God-willing), and what I need to be emotionally sustained. I need to thank Him more often for providing the friends I do have; without them I'd likely not be here. But the bottom line is I need...we need...to continue to seek Him.

Amen.