For you, Lord.

I've slowly seen it creeping up on me the past few years. It's been stalking me daily, preparing to pounce when I've least expected it. And it has.

My life couldn't be better.

Hope.

3 years ago I didn't understand what it meant. Today, I get it. Today, it's overtaken me. How?

My first 23 years were painful, sheltered, and something to be ashamed of. I had no hope because my memory was too vivid; I clearly remembered the rotten things I did to people, how I treated myself, and what dominated my life. I expected the rest of my life to be like that.

Then something funny happened. I gave my life to Christ and stepped out in faith. He led me to a foreign country filled with relationships and experiences I'd never forget.

Lately I've felt hopeful, and I've realized it's because, although I still occasionally do rotten things (don't we all?), I have many more positive memories and accomplishments now than I do negative ones.

When my perspective begins to suck again, I can remember driving around the mountains of the Dominican Republic on my motorcycle. I can remember hunting bats in my bedroom at 2:30am with a pellet gun. I can remember swinging on a rope swing at night under a star-filled sky with little lightning bugs flashing around me.

My life the past 6 months hasn't been perfect. I've struggled with some things. So? Who hasn't? Even through my struggles, I've had hope, and it's because my life is Christ's. He loves me and has incredible plans for me. He's proven that too many times over the past 3 years for Satan to win now. I have too many wonderful memories and examples of how much He loves me.

So can you.

I've endured difficult break-ups. You know, the kind where you have a pounding headache most of the day because you're dehydrated from crying so hard the night before. The kind where you beg the Lord to come and take you away from the pain. The kind where you promise yourself you will never date another soul again because it's too damn painful.

But I've never endured one like this.

How do you get over breaking someone's heart? What excuses do you make for yourself, knowing you've altered that person's belief in all that is good and pure about love? How do you break up with someone who would willingly give his or her life for you? Who is your best friend? Who you were certain you were going to marry at one point? Who is, literally, the kindest and most loving individual human being you have ever met?

Why have I let go of the greatest love of my life to this point, when I never thought I would find true love while I was growing up?

I'm sorry, you must be deeply confused.

If I was speaking Greek, this would make more sense to you. You see, the Greek language uses 3 separate words for "love"; each one explains a different type of love. Whereas we say, "I love my friends" and "I love my wife", they use a different word for each of those types of love.

A brief Greek lesson: The word "agape" is a brotherly love that is not dependent upon anything the other individual says or does. The word "philia" is a friendship type of love that's shared between two individuals with similar interests and passions. The word "eros" is a type of love between a husband and wife; a romantic, deeply connected and spiritual love.

In a relationship, if one individual is feeling an "agape" type of love and the other is feeling an "eros" type of love, something is wrong. They love one another, but not the same way. Both loves are grounded in Christ, but they are not meant to spend the rest of their lives together. Therefore, as painful and difficult as it is, that type of a relationship needs to end.

Where those two people who clearly love one another go to pick up the pieces of their hearts I do not know; I'm figuring that out one day at a time. It's a struggle. When I do figure it out, I'll pass my experience along to you. Until then...

God bless.