For you, Lord.

Women want to be pursued; adored; cherished. Men want to be respected; honored; valued.

Both want to be fought for.

A woman wants a man to fight for her sexuality. Or, in other words, she needs him to exhibit the strength necessary to allow her to embrace and exude her femininity. As he demonstrates strength, consistency, and love for her, she will embrace God's design as the only thing "good" from the Garden of Eden.

A man wants a woman to fight for whatever will help him be successful in his calling. He needs her to meet him where he is at to fight the battle in which he is currently engaged. With her by his side, victorious, he will move on to the next battle.

When a man and woman are brought together, they need to understand where they can join their partner in his or her fight. For a woman who is uncomfortable allowing herself to be feminine, a wise, confident man with great character is necessary. For a man who is struggling to understand himself and, therefore, his call, a patient, merciful, forgiving woman is necessary.

Either way, most men and women today are not prepared to be fought for or with (depending on the status of their development), nor are they prepared to fight for another. Women have been taught that it's demeaning and sexist for a man to lead in a relationship and fight for her. Men have been taught that they are weak to admit needing the assistance of anyone, particularly a woman, to succeed at their call. We all have been taught that someone who needs to be fought for (one who has not yet fully understood his or her purpose or identity) is not prepared to love.

We need each other. Unfortunately, until others realize that, those prepared to be fought for, and those prepared to fight, remain isolated.

"You can only love to the degree to which you have been loved" - Steve Brown, sermon at Perimeter Church, 11/25/07.

Funny thing happened when I heard these words.

When they hit my heart, I remembered all the times I'd been wronged, neglected, or sinned against, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I now had an excuse not to love others; I didn't have to share emotional intimacy with anyone or risk getting hurt again.

Those negative thoughts then hit my brain. I reminded myself, "True, other people have made mistakes that have hurt you, but Jesus Christ did not. In fact, His love redeemed you and saved your life."

That reminder sank back into my heart, and I was filled with regret and guilt for my initial negative thoughts. I also realized that because of Christ's sacrifice, I am called to love everyone to the degree He loves me.

Crap.

I'd heard this many times, read it in the gospels and devotional books many times, but it wasn't until yesterday that it finally clicked. The internal volley between my heart and brain resulted in a spiritual epiphany.

It also resulted in doubt. How am I supposed to love others like Christ loves me? Heck, I don't even do a good job loving myself, much less other people. Half the time I'm loving on others, it's for selfish reasons. Yet I'm supposed to love as Christ loved? Sacrificially? Without expecting anything in return? How?

I'm not. I can't. That's the point. My "I" has to die before my "self" can be given away.

We're wretchedly sinful; loving others as Christ loves us is impossible...on our own. However, when we allow the Holy Spirit to dwell within our hearts, we are able to love as Christ loves.

You allow the Spirit to take residency in your heart by intentionally dedicating each day to God, by laying it down before Him and asking that He use you however He pleases.

It's not easy, but it's the only way to love. To truly love.